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Note of the Mother: This book comprises extracts from a diary
written during years of intensive yogic discipline. It may serve as
a spiritual guide to three principal categories of seekers:
- those who have undertaken self-mastery
- those who want to find the road leading to the Divine
- those who aspire to consecrate themselves more and more to the Divine
Work.
November 2, 1912
ALTHOUGH my whole being is in theory consecrated to Thee, O Sublime
Master, who art the life, the light and the love in all things, I still
find it hard to carry out this consecration in detail. It has taken
me several weeks to learn that the reason for this written meditation,
its justification, lies in the very fact of addressing it daily to Thee.
In this way I shall put into material shape each day a little of the
conversation I have so often with Thee; I shall make my confession to
Thee as well as it may be; not because I think I can tell Thee anything
- for Thou art Thyself everything, but our artificial and exterior way
of seeing and understanding is, if it may be so said, foreign to Thee,
opposed to Thy nature. Still by turning towards Thee, by immersing myself
in Thy light at the moment when I consider these things, little by little
I shall see them more like what they really are, - until the day when,
having made myself one in identity with Thee, I shall no more have anything
to say to Thee, for then I shall be Thou. This is the goal that I would
reach; towards this victory all my efforts will tend more and more.
I aspire for the day when I can no longer say "I", for I shall
be Thou.
How many times a day, still, I act without my action being consecrated
to Thee; I at once become aware of it by an indefinable uneasiness which
is translated in the sensibility of my body by a pang in my heart. I
then make my action objective to myself and it seems to me ridiculous,
childish or blameworthy; I deplore it, for a moment I am sad, until
I dive into Thee and, there losing myself with a child's confidence,
await from Thee the inspiration and strength needed to set right the
error in me and around me, - two things that are one; for I have now
a constant and precise perception of the universal unity determining
an absolute interdependence of all actions.
November 3, 1912
LET Thy light be in me like a Fire that makes all alive; let Thy divine
Love penetrate me. I aspire with all my being for Thy reign as sovereign
and master of mind and heart and body; let them be Thy docile instruments
and Thy faithful servitors.
November 19, 1912
I SAID yesterday to that young Englishman who is seeking for Thee with
so sincere a desire, that I had definitely found Thee, that the Union
was constant. Such is indeed the state of which I am conscious. All
my thoughts go towards Thee, all my acts are consecrated to Thee; Thy
Presence is for me an absolute, immutable, invariable fact, and Thy
peace dwells constantly in my heart. Yet I know that this state of union
is poor and precarious compared with that which it will become possible
for me to realise tomorrow, and I am as yet far, no doubt very far,
from that identification in which I shall totally lose the notion of
the "I", of that "I", which is each time a constraint,
like a term unfit to express the thought that is seeking for expression.
It seems to me indispensable for human communication, but all depends
on what this "I" manifests; and how many times already, when
I pronounce it, it is Thou who speakest in me, for I have lost the sense
of separativity.
But all this is still in embryo and will continue to grow towards perfection.
What an appeasing assurance there is in this serene confidence in Thy
All-Might!
Thou art all, everywhere, and in all, and this body which acts is Thy
own body, just as is the visible universe in its entirety; it is Thou
who breathest, thinkest, and lovest in this substance which, being Thyself,
desires to be Thy willing servant.
November 26, 1912
WHAT a hymn of thanksgiving should I not be raising at each moment unto
Thee! Everywhere and in everything around me Thou revealest Thyself
and in me Thy will and Consciousness express themselves always more
and more clearly even to the point of my having almost entirely lost
the gross illusion of "me" and "mine". If a few
shadows, a few laws can be seen in the great Light which manifests Thee,
how shall they bear for long the marvellous brightness of Thy resplendent
Love? This morning, the consciousness that I had of the way Thou art
fashioning this being which was "I" can be roughly represented
by a great diamond cut with geometrical facets, a diamond in its cohesion,
firmness, pure limpidity, transparency, but a brilliant and radiant
flame in its intense ever-progressive life. But it was something more,
something better than all that, for nearly all sensation inner and outer
was exceeded and that image only presented itself to my mind as I returned
to conscious contact with the outer world.
It is Thou that makest the experience fertile, Thou who renderest life
progressive, Thou who compellest the darkness to vanish in an instant
before the Light, Thou who givest to Love all its power, Thou who everywhere
raisest up matter in this ardent and wonderful aspiration, in this sublime
thirst for Eternity.
Thou everywhere and always; nothing but Thou in the essence and in the
manifestation.
O Shadow and Illusion, dissolve! O Suffering, fade and disappear! Lord
Supreme, art Thou not there?
November 28, 1912
THE outer life, the activity of each day and each instant, is it not
the indispensable complement of our hours of meditation and contemplation?
And is not the proportion of time given to each the exact image of the
proportion which exists between the amount of effort to be made for
the preparation and realisation? For meditation, contemplation, Union
is the result obtained --the flower that blooms; the daily activity
is the anvil on which all the elements must pass and repass in order
to be purified, refined, made supple and ripe for the illumination which
contemplation gives to them. All these elements must be passed one after
the other through the crucible before outer activity becomes needless
for integral development. Then is this activity turned into the means
to manifest Thee so as to awaken the other centres of consciousness
to the same dual work of the forge and the illumination. Therefore are
pride and satisfaction with oneself the worst of all obstacles. Very
modestly we must take advantage of all the minute opportunities offered
to knead and purify some of innumerable elements, to make them supple,
to make them impersonal, to teach them forgetfulness of self and abnegation
and devotion and kindness and gentleness; and when all these modes of
being have become habitual to them, then they are ready to participate
in the Contemplation, and to identify themselves with Thee in the supreme
Concentration. That is why it seems to me that the work must be long
and slow even for the best and that striking conversions cannot be integral.
They change the orientation of the being, they put it definitely on
the straight path; but truly to attain the goal none can escape the
need of innumerable experiences of every kind and every instant.
O Supreme Master who shinest in my being and each thing, let Thy Light
be manifest and the reign of Thy Peace come for all.
December 2, 1912
SO long as one element of the being, one movement of the thought is
still subjected to outside influences, not solely under Thine, it cannot
be said that the true Union is realised; there is still the horrible
mixture without order and light, -- for that element, that movement
is a world, a world of disorder and darkness, as is the entire earth
in the material world, as is the material world in the entire universe.
December 3, 1912
LAST night I had the experience of the effectivity of confident surrender
to Thy guidance; when it is needful that something should be known,
one knows it, and the more passive the mind to Thy illumination, the
clearer and the more adequate is its expression.
I listened to Thee as Thou spokest in me, and I would have liked to
write down what Thou saidst so that the formula in all its precision
might not be lost, - for now I should not be able to repeat what was
said. Then I thought that this care for conservation was again an insulting
lack of confidence towards Thee, for Thou canst make of me all that
I need to be, and in the measure in which my attitude allows Thee to
act on me and in me, Thy omnipotence has no limits. To know that at
each instant what must be surely is, as perfectly as is possible, for
all those who know how to see Thee in everything and everywhere! No
more fear, no more uneasiness, no more anguish; nothing but a perfect
Serenity, an absolute Confidence, a supreme unwavering Peace.
December 5, 1912
IN Peace and Silence the Eternal manifests; allow nothing to disturb
you and the Eternal will manifest; have perfect equality in face of
all and the Eternal will be there.... Yes, we should not put too much
intensity, too much effort into our seeking for Thee; the effort and
intensity become a veil in front of Thee; we must not desire to see
Thee, for that is still a mental agitation which obscures Thy Eternal
Presence; it is in the most complete Peace, Serenity and Equality that
all is Thou even as Thou art all, and the least vibration in this perfectly
pure and calm atmosphere is an obstacle to Thy manifestation. No haste,
no inquietude, no tension, Thou, nothing but Thou, without any analysis
or any objectivising, and Thou art there without a possible doubt, for
all becomes a Holy Peace and a Sacred Silence.
And that is better than all the meditations in the world.
December 7, 1912
LIKE a flame that burns in silence, like a perfume that rises straight
upward without wavering, my love goes to Thee; and like the child who
does not reason and has no care, I trust myself to Thee that Thy Will
may be done, that Thy Light may manifest, Thy Peace radiate, Thy Love
cover the world. When Thou willest I shall be in Thee, Thyself, and
there shall be no more any distinction; I await that blessed hour without
impatience of any kind, letting myself flow irresistibly toward it as
a peaceful stream flows toward the boundless ocean.
Thy Peace is in me, and in that Peace I see Thee alone present in everything,
with the calm of Eternity.
December 10, 1912
O SUPREME Master, Eternal Teacher, it has been once more granted me
to verify the unequalled effectivity of a full confidence in Thy leading.
Thy light was manifested through my mouth yesterday and it met no resistance
in me; the instrument was willing, supple, keen of edge.
It is Thou who art the doer in each thing and each being, and he who
is near enough to Thee to see Thee in all actions without exception,
will know how to transform each act into a benediction.
To abide always in Thee is the one thing that matters, always and ever
more and more in Thee, beyond illusions and the deceptions of the senses,
not drawing back from action, refusing it, rejecting it - a struggle
useless and pernicious -- but living Thee alone in the act whatever
it may be, ever and always Thee; then the illusion is dispelled, the
falsehoods of the senses vanish, the bond of consequences is broken,
all is transformed into a manifestation of the glory of Thy Eternal
Presence.
So let it be. Amen.
December 11, 1912
I AWAIT, without haste, without inquietude, the tearing of another veil,
the Union made more complete. I know that the veil is formed of a whole
mass of small imperfections, of attachments without number…
How shall all these disappear? Slowly, as the result of countless small
efforts and a vigilance not faltering even for a moment, or suddenly,
through a great illumination of Thy All-Puissant Love? I know not, I
do not even put to myself the question; I wait, keeping watch as best
as I can, in the certitude that nothing exists save Thy Will, that Thou
alone art the doer and I am the instrument; and when the instrument
is ready for a completer manifestation, the manifestation will quite
naturally take place.
Already there is heard from behind the veil the wordless symphony of
gladness that reveals Thy sublime Presence.
The Mother
in CWM, volume 1, "Prayers and Meditations"
pages 1-13
or
in SABCL, volume 25 "The Mother: With Letters
on the Mother and Prayers and Meditations" pages 405-419
published by Sri
Aurobindo Ashram - Pondicherry
diffusion by SABDA
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Next year: 1913
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